I decided my posts are boring. I took a hiatus to figure out what it is that I really want to say. Some of it, I am sure, won’t be pretty. I have gone through a very rough patch this last year. The things I have been dealing with have thrown me off course and left me feeling awkward. This isn’t unusual for someone with ASD. But going through it at age 62 is hard.
I joined a Facebook group for autistic adults, and I have to say that I have found common ground among my people. Suddenly everything in my life makes sense when I look at it through an ASD lens. The weirdness over social situations, the sensory issues, the bluntness of my comments and confusion over the reactions of them. The exhaustion of masking and the fatigue it causes.
Adding to this list, I am a recent university graduate, and over a period of one year (and submitting hundreds of resumes) I am resigned to the truth. My degree choice doesn’t jive with my temperament. There are some scary situations in today’s workforce. I have no desire to build a network, make strategic connections, or kiss anyone’s ass for career advancement. I know too much about the reasons we exist here on this earth and playing the corporate game is not one of them. Go Get ’em, tiger.
I did have some fun submitting those resumes once I realized I was in a sea of much bigger fish. It became a form of entertainment. My preferred pronoun became “madame”, my skills became an extensive list of every single ability I have, from manipulating coworkers to building a house, and I added some “superpowers”: Queen of Chronology, Dumbing Things Down, the Ability to Outwait Anybody, Finding the Good in Others, Finding No Good Things in Some, and even Efficiency Expert Based on Personal Laziness.
I have fully embraced retirement.